Texas Fights Back

For the past few weeks I've had ugly, crispy brown skin on my arm from my encounter with an over zealous iron.  I now have a small light patch of skin in the shape of the top of the iron on my arm.  This week someone asked if I had been doing Crossfit....as if my iron mark was equivalent to hand ripping.  Nope, no crazy fitness here, just overconfidence about a stupid habit.

I've been working a little more than a week.  Today, I was feeling confident in my ability to sling tacos.  There was finally someone newer than me which is always a confidence booster.  In my bartending days I broke so many glasses it was kind of a joke...but kind of a problem.  I was happy to have avoided sweeping broken glass thus far in Texas.  Today however,....Texas fought back.  I dropped a glass bottle in the perfect position, on a concrete floor.  I gave my usual non-reaction, as I have become overly accustomed to the sound of breaking glass.  I looked down to assess the damage and saw a small droplet of blood.  As I strolled to the first aide box, I noticed both ankles had a little blood, but really I've seen worse from shaving.  I sat down and the frantic, about to puke manager asked if I was ok.  He took one look at the gauge on my right ankle and was headed toward his makeshift ambulance.  I started to argue, looked down and saw bone.....or so I thought.  Once at the ER, the doctor with scissors stuffed down the back of his scrubs quickly explained that I did not see bone....something about the next layer of skin or whatever.  All I know is my ankle was talking to me and I saw something white in it's mouth.  I'm pretty sure Lisa thought I was joking when I called and asked her to meet me at the hospital.  Apparently I was too calm....she didn't really respond until I was seriously asking her to come because my ride was leaving.  Then she came in and laughed at me, then took pictures.  But really that was totally appropriate.  I was laughing the whole time.....it was just stupid, I wasn't in pain, there was very little blood and I dropped a freakin' bottle...and my doctor had scissors shoved down his pants!  Damn Mexicans always need their sodas in glass bottles and use real sugar...why can't they fake out like the USA?  Or even better, drink Big Red like Texans.  I know, I know......big red is gum.  Oh but wait....what about Big Blue?  Nope.... there's nothing appealing about either of those as a beverage. Of course none of the excited Big Red drinkers thought Cheerwine or Sundrop sounded delicious.  Thankfully, none of those are on my drink list but I'll take my chances with Mexican coke if I really have to have a soda.  I kind of feel bad that I was bumped in front of the lady wearing a nightgown with no shoes and scraggly hair; who could only utter "40" when asked for her identification.  Not sure if that was her age, the number of pills she had taken, what she owed the cab out front or what.  That's exactly the reason hospitals freak me out.  The Haywood County Board of Education is in an old hospital building.  One time in high school I went there and got so freaked out by the extra long elevator, I never went back.  I still get grossed out by the elevators....it's like seeing dead bodies or something.  Here is further proof of why I should not commit to something that begins at 6:30am......

Otherwise, my week has been successful.  I finally got a haircut and didn't explode.  Going to someone new after six years was scary.  It's still not quite right, but better.   I also made it to The Scoot Inn.  Lisa swears it's famous and supposed to be awesome.  I was a little overwhelmed by the smell and by flashbacks of hanging out with 'the band' to think it was awesome.  I did enjoy the dreaded-up white dude who was implementing the favored forehead bandanna to hide the fact that his dreads are giving him a fivehead faster than normal.  Perhaps I'll try again sometime and be sure to chose a seat further from the porta-johns.

On the bright side, I didn't cut my wrists.....based on the amount of gauze on my ankles, no one would believe I didn't try to join the guy in the sky.  I kind of look like I had some new and improved feet sewn on.  Maybe that will be my new story....something about finally making my legs even.

maybe y'uns DO know how to be country

Yesterday I was thinking about my first visit to Austin.  Lisa had been here only a few months and was staying with my aunt in Round Rock.  I was accustomed to seeing her at least twice a week, so once my plane landed I pushed my way off, desperately trying to find Lisa, as if she was choking or something.  That thought was quickly lost in the country music playing in the airport....it was different.....but much better than the slot machines in LAS.  I walked outside to search for Lisa's new car, named by my father as "the lesbian mobile".  I had been thinking "HOW could she possibly have a car that I had not seen/approved of first?  And it's not white?? That's weird!!"  Little did I know she would soon pick out a husband without me helping with the decision.  (he's not really white either but I approve).  Leaving the airport, I was immediately smacked in the face with suffocating heat.  That pretty much set my terrible mood for the day.

Once I was in the "LM"...an overly excited Lisa, drove directly to Mt. Bonnell.  It was her first of many attempts to convince me that Austin was a great place.  It was definitely a "look, there are mountains here" attempt.  It was beautiful, but I was ultimately unimpressed.  It was too hot, I was wearing pants and had zero interest in letting Lisa convince me to move here.  The very next stop was The Oasis....she was REALLY trying.  The Oasis softened me a little...but I was still NEVER moving to Texas.

Fast forward six years, and Mt. Bonnell is my favorite outdoor spot.  Poaching a room allows me to live within walking distance.  The nooks of the cliff provide perfect hiding/reading spots with a great view.  My first time back as an Austin resident, I continuously felt like I was at Devil's Courthouse .  Devil's Courthouse was always one of my easy escapes in Waynesville.  I planned many world domination events there.  I guess looking over a cliff clears my mind...I love it.

Upon the recommendation of the long haired Sprout's clerk, who had seen my face on one too many Saturday nights....I found another slice of Waynesville in Austin....here.  It was terrible and awesome and terrible...just like NC truck stop biscuits and gravy.

I guess TX has more NC in it than just the Bender sisters.  I keep hoping to hear a local version of y'uns....but only so I can avoid saying it.

Honest Abe vs. Cheshire Cat

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.  ~Abraham Lincoln

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.  ~Norm Papernick

 

cold spings in hotland...hot springs in the mountains

Today Lisa, a newly bald/badass JT and I went to Deep Eddy.  This was my first visit.  I don't really care for pools but I couldn't refuse the invitation because it's barely a mile from their/our house and it's an unknown Austin legend.  About 15 minutes into it, I was bored.  I have never been a pool person or a sunbather.  Deep Eddy is interesting and certainly better than the standard concrete pond.  I just don't like to bake, or sweat for no reason, or swim, or be hot.  I can handle it for about an hour, then I'm done.  I mentioned "now what" and Lisa said "sit in the shade and chill out" with a bit of a forceful tone, meaning...."shut up and let me turn into an African".  It is interesting that I can't just lay there but Lisa can.  In my mind Lisa is still the Bender sister who can't sit still and needs to run laps around the house.  That is still true most of the time.  I guess laying by the pool is considered an event, so she allows herself some down time....which I'm sure is much needed.  This led to me thinking about conversations I've had where I either said or thought..... "boring people get bored".   It's ok to know what you do or do not enjoy but it's not ok to continuously say you're bored.  At some point in my adulthood, I decided boredom was unacceptable. As my ramblings have mentioned, I truly entertain myself with everything I see.  That has not always been true.  The more I do, read and think, the more I am frustrated when someone continuously says they are bored.  I am in charge of my life, just as you are yours.  If you feel bored, fix it.  If you don't fix it, you will secure a nice, comfy spot in the "suck" file.  I know many people who accept ridiculousness because they are understimulated and just need something.  It is so frustrating to watch someone waste away because they are stuck in Shallowland and have no idea how to take control.  I'm glad I don't live there, even if  my world is harder sometimes.

The same thing we do everynight Pinky.....

I am completely dumbfounded by the fact that at least 3 people look at my blog everyday.  I know 3 isn't many but it's usually somewhere in the 8-20 range which blows my mind.  I mean, I know I like to talk but I always thought people were mostly nodding along just to be polite.  Maybe I'm just completely insane and people like making themselves feel a little more normal.  I do entertain myself most days.  I think everything is funny for all the wrong reasons.  One of the best things I've learned in the last few years is that laughter is always appropriate.  I learned this from a friend whose laughter often frustrated me.  Then I began to realize that it's always better to giggle at ridiculousness than most other reactions.  Laughter and knowing that "it's only as important or horrible as you make it".....pretty much solves everything.  Sometimes I wish my brain had an answering machine.....not so much for true answers...more for recording all the random crap that I think and quickly forget.  I think my skull is housing Pinky and the Brain......they continue to fumble around each other without achieving world domination, just random silliness.  Now....if I could just figure out who the creepsters are.....not just how many.

Not sure this stay at home mom or dishwasher role is enough for me. 

I miss having someone to s*!t talk with for 6 hours every day.  That's a little weird but I'm so good at it and no one here knows me well enough to not get offended.

YES, everything IS a competition

it's been a month......

i'm not dead
i'm not totally bankrupt
i don't hate lisa or jeremy
i haven't married some loser taco
i'm not half way back to nc while writing this

.....i'm gonna call it a win....

beyond the gates of Eden

Thursday I desperately wanted to watch bad tv.  The House of Health doesn't really "do" tv, so much so that the channels don't even show up, so it's always a mystery and sucks the fun out of channel surfing.  I settled on a random show about the creation of Marble Falls, Texas.  I forced myself to watch, thinking that I should know more about my new state and why the natives love it so much.  As Adam Johnson's sister or cousin or niece or somebody rambled on about the beauty of Marble Falls, I could barely hear her over my dad's voice echoing in my head about how "these ain't hills...huh...it's not green...they don't even have water." 

In a mad dash to try to get to Camille's crawfish boil Saturday, I mistakenly took the scenic route from Austin to Odessa.  Even though it took 6.5 hours to get there, I saw a lot of Texas and loved it.  Apparently LBJ was not the only Johnson from Texas to improve domestic affairs.  Marble Falls is gorgeous which is not something I am comfortable saying about Texas.  Thus far I have been unimpressed with the "scenery".  The blue bonnets are in high season which I realized once I passed several cars randomly pulled over taking pictures.  It was like driving on the Parkway with all the leaf lookers.  That was the first of many things that reminded me of Waynesville. I stopped three times and over heard gas station cling-ons and motorcycle wives blabbing about being out "doin' the blue bonnets".  They are okay but much better when paired with their red-headed stepsister.  No one even knows what the stepsister is called......it's worse than being referred to as "my sister" when I'm standing in the room and Lisa is talking to JT who clearly knows who she means if she ventures to use my name.....they don't even get a name.

Beyond the hills I was still entertained by the numerous small towns, each with a Main St. just begging to hold a saloon shootout.  I started feeling like I was passing through the same place repeatedly....that too is much like North Carolina.  The major difference is the type of bbq and the frequency of gas stations.  Amazingly driving through the middle of oil country and along side the pipeline, does not guarantee gas stations.  West Texas rule #1: if you pass a gas station fill up....who knows when you'll see another one.

The further I drove, the bigger the sky became.  I've never seen so many white fluffy clouds....they make the flat land beautiful.  Just as I was beginning to get bored with the clouds, I passed by the gates of Eden, which apparently keep the barbwire industry alive.  Then I began realizing how many songs are written about Texas and felt the urge to listen to Johnny Cash. 

I always rolled my eyes and thought South Carolinians were crazy about their state with all their tree and moon paraphernalia....Texas pride completely trumps it.  In no other state will you be invited to sit down in a chair resembling the state flag and then realize everyone around you has the same chair.  It's crazy and extreme and seems to be universal for Texans, even transplants.  I am a little dumbfounded by it but it's actually really interesting.  It is kinda cool that people are so into their state, most places no one even knows the state flower, much less the symbol or motto.  In my amazement over the chairs I joked about having a pledge to the Texas flag because it is EVERYWHERE......not a joke, apparently they have one.  A warehouse dedicated to jerky and taxidermy is also real....and not to be giggled about.

West Texas rule #2: washers is a serious game, worthy of tournaments and prize belt buckles.   #3: asking where one gets a crazy huge belt buckle is not acceptable..."um at the boot store"...right, obviously.  #4:  you're never too old to do a keg stand.  #5: water from the dirty oil land is gross.

Monday, I took the shorter route back to Austin via I-10.  I was super excited about the 80 mph speed limit and had to call Camille to verify I was not just seeing things.  I guess they have just accepted that it's straight, flat and empty.  I drove for several hours with no phone service, one tejano radio station and no other cars in sight.  Speed limit signs are rare gems along the highways here, oh, excuse me the "farm to market roads".   I was however constantly reminded to obey state signs which demand I drive friendly and maintain my vehicle.  I guess when the most common vehicle is an extra large, Texas edition truck with a mean grill guard, there is a need to remind people to drive friendly.   The cliffs, endless sky and empty highway made me feel small, free and like I was driving a lowrider.

West Texas is much like western North Carolina in very bizarre ways.  Maybe it's that "I'd like to check you for ticks" is an acceptable pick up line on the shore of Tow Head Creek and the Pigeon River.  Mostly it's the feeling of not having to force yourself to relax.  You don't have a choice.  But really I would choose to sit outside, watching the sun set, talking with Camille over a lot of things....even if it is in a Texas flag chair.