Monday, April 26, 2010

cold spings in springs in the mountains

Today Lisa, a newly bald/badass JT and I went to Deep Eddy.  This was my first visit.  I don't really care for pools but I couldn't refuse the invitation because it's barely a mile from their/our house and it's an unknown Austin legend.  About 15 minutes into it, I was bored.  I have never been a pool person or a sunbather.  Deep Eddy is interesting and certainly better than the standard concrete pond.  I just don't like to bake, or sweat for no reason, or swim, or be hot.  I can handle it for about an hour, then I'm done.  I mentioned "now what" and Lisa said "sit in the shade and chill out" with a bit of a forceful tone, meaning...."shut up and let me turn into an African".  It is interesting that I can't just lay there but Lisa can.  In my mind Lisa is still the Bender sister who can't sit still and needs to run laps around the house.  That is still true most of the time.  I guess laying by the pool is considered an event, so she allows herself some down time....which I'm sure is much needed.  This led to me thinking about conversations I've had where I either said or thought..... "boring people get bored".   It's ok to know what you do or do not enjoy but it's not ok to continuously say you're bored.  At some point in my adulthood, I decided boredom was unacceptable. As my ramblings have mentioned, I truly entertain myself with everything I see.  That has not always been true.  The more I do, read and think, the more I am frustrated when someone continuously says they are bored.  I am in charge of my life, just as you are yours.  If you feel bored, fix it.  If you don't fix it, you will secure a nice, comfy spot in the "suck" file.  I know many people who accept ridiculousness because they are understimulated and just need something.  It is so frustrating to watch someone waste away because they are stuck in Shallowland and have no idea how to take control.  I'm glad I don't live there, even if  my world is harder sometimes.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The same thing we do everynight Pinky.....

I am completely dumbfounded by the fact that at least 3 people look at my blog everyday.  I know 3 isn't many but it's usually somewhere in the 8-20 range which blows my mind.  I mean, I know I like to talk but I always thought people were mostly nodding along just to be polite.  Maybe I'm just completely insane and people like making themselves feel a little more normal.  I do entertain myself most days.  I think everything is funny for all the wrong reasons.  One of the best things I've learned in the last few years is that laughter is always appropriate.  I learned this from a friend whose laughter often frustrated me.  Then I began to realize that it's always better to giggle at ridiculousness than most other reactions.  Laughter and knowing that "it's only as important or horrible as you make it".....pretty much solves everything.  Sometimes I wish my brain had an answering machine.....not so much for true answers...more for recording all the random crap that I think and quickly forget.  I think my skull is housing Pinky and the Brain......they continue to fumble around each other without achieving world domination, just random silliness.  Now....if I could just figure out who the creepsters are.....not just how many.

Not sure this stay at home mom or dishwasher role is enough for me. 

I miss having someone to s*!t talk with for 6 hours every day.  That's a little weird but I'm so good at it and no one here knows me well enough to not get offended.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

YES, everything IS a competition

it's been a month......

i'm not dead
i'm not totally bankrupt
i don't hate lisa or jeremy
i haven't married some loser taco
i'm not half way back to nc while writing this

.....i'm gonna call it a win....

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

beyond the gates of Eden

Thursday I desperately wanted to watch bad tv.  The House of Health doesn't really "do" tv, so much so that the channels don't even show up, so it's always a mystery and sucks the fun out of channel surfing.  I settled on a random show about the creation of Marble Falls, Texas.  I forced myself to watch, thinking that I should know more about my new state and why the natives love it so much.  As Adam Johnson's sister or cousin or niece or somebody rambled on about the beauty of Marble Falls, I could barely hear her over my dad's voice echoing in my head about how "these ain't's not green...they don't even have water." 

In a mad dash to try to get to Camille's crawfish boil Saturday, I mistakenly took the scenic route from Austin to Odessa.  Even though it took 6.5 hours to get there, I saw a lot of Texas and loved it.  Apparently LBJ was not the only Johnson from Texas to improve domestic affairs.  Marble Falls is gorgeous which is not something I am comfortable saying about Texas.  Thus far I have been unimpressed with the "scenery".  The blue bonnets are in high season which I realized once I passed several cars randomly pulled over taking pictures.  It was like driving on the Parkway with all the leaf lookers.  That was the first of many things that reminded me of Waynesville. I stopped three times and over heard gas station cling-ons and motorcycle wives blabbing about being out "doin' the blue bonnets".  They are okay but much better when paired with their red-headed stepsister.  No one even knows what the stepsister is's worse than being referred to as "my sister" when I'm standing in the room and Lisa is talking to JT who clearly knows who she means if she ventures to use my name.....they don't even get a name.

Beyond the hills I was still entertained by the numerous small towns, each with a Main St. just begging to hold a saloon shootout.  I started feeling like I was passing through the same place repeatedly....that too is much like North Carolina.  The major difference is the type of bbq and the frequency of gas stations.  Amazingly driving through the middle of oil country and along side the pipeline, does not guarantee gas stations.  West Texas rule #1: if you pass a gas station fill up....who knows when you'll see another one.

The further I drove, the bigger the sky became.  I've never seen so many white fluffy clouds....they make the flat land beautiful.  Just as I was beginning to get bored with the clouds, I passed by the gates of Eden, which apparently keep the barbwire industry alive.  Then I began realizing how many songs are written about Texas and felt the urge to listen to Johnny Cash. 

I always rolled my eyes and thought South Carolinians were crazy about their state with all their tree and moon paraphernalia....Texas pride completely trumps it.  In no other state will you be invited to sit down in a chair resembling the state flag and then realize everyone around you has the same chair.  It's crazy and extreme and seems to be universal for Texans, even transplants.  I am a little dumbfounded by it but it's actually really interesting.  It is kinda cool that people are so into their state, most places no one even knows the state flower, much less the symbol or motto.  In my amazement over the chairs I joked about having a pledge to the Texas flag because it is EVERYWHERE......not a joke, apparently they have one.  A warehouse dedicated to jerky and taxidermy is also real....and not to be giggled about.

West Texas rule #2: washers is a serious game, worthy of tournaments and prize belt buckles.   #3: asking where one gets a crazy huge belt buckle is not acceptable..."um at the boot store"...right, obviously.  #4:  you're never too old to do a keg stand.  #5: water from the dirty oil land is gross.

Monday, I took the shorter route back to Austin via I-10.  I was super excited about the 80 mph speed limit and had to call Camille to verify I was not just seeing things.  I guess they have just accepted that it's straight, flat and empty.  I drove for several hours with no phone service, one tejano radio station and no other cars in sight.  Speed limit signs are rare gems along the highways here, oh, excuse me the "farm to market roads".   I was however constantly reminded to obey state signs which demand I drive friendly and maintain my vehicle.  I guess when the most common vehicle is an extra large, Texas edition truck with a mean grill guard, there is a need to remind people to drive friendly.   The cliffs, endless sky and empty highway made me feel small, free and like I was driving a lowrider.

West Texas is much like western North Carolina in very bizarre ways.  Maybe it's that "I'd like to check you for ticks" is an acceptable pick up line on the shore of Tow Head Creek and the Pigeon River.  Mostly it's the feeling of not having to force yourself to relax.  You don't have a choice.  But really I would choose to sit outside, watching the sun set, talking with Camille over a lot of things....even if it is in a Texas flag chair.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

elephant needles, no hands and tom green st.

I'm scared of restaurants covered in Christmas lights year round, bright orange paint and/or donkeys and cacti.  I can't quite figure out what part of Mexican culture calls for colored Christmas lights in April or why that signifies good food. In searching for the best tacos in Austin, I have continuously faced a maze of bright and scary items.  This is my favorite....the picture doesn't do it justice...its' frightening and confusing and I may never know how good the food is due to my inability to navigate the maze of horror blocking the entrance.  I just don't get it.....

I found Alphabet City in Austin yesterday.  It has quickly become my favorite neighborhood...partially because it reminds me of Chapel Hill.  It's protected by historic standards so all of the houses are cutesy and bright colors, full of hippies and grad students....ok, maybe Carrboro rather than the CH.  I found a great apartment there today.  I decided to cruise the block to make sure it was worthy.  I was lost in a blissful world of windows down, sunroof open, Randy Travis, big trees and old houses when I turned down Avenue F and saw 3 guys with huge PostOffice Kid hair wearing tights (like the "i'm so hip i wear tights and if you don't get it you're obviously lame" kinda tights....not Brandon Montana I used to dance and think capri tights are ok tights).   I actually said out loud "sweet! freaks".....something about weirdos makes me feel right at home....maybe that's the "gala" in me. I instantly began planning my next tattoo of leaves and guns when I passed "Sideshow Tattoo".  Nothing like a circus freak reference to bring me back to reality.  I feel confident my sister named that shop and if she could, she would name all tattoo parlors something similar to keep me away.

I then started wondering why I was trying so hard to find a neighborhood that felt like NC....if I want to be in NC...why am I in Texas?  Who knows....I've been really homesick this week, so maybe this is making me feel more comfortable.  I love the apartment, so I better find a new job...tomorrow.  I'm becoming very accustomed to not working.  I even went to a movie theater...on myself...AND watched an entire movie without napping.  That's so insane I can't really believe it happened.  In the last year I have not only watched several movies to's been on the first try!!  Maybe not having two jobs and making myself crazy "staying busy" actually has improved my state of being.   I'm quickly slipping to the other side of enjoying my free time.  Any day now I will find a sponsor....maybe it will be Luksusowa....if I can convince JT it's a health drink he can probably work that out.  I'll start with the card....see how it goes.

I passed a house with a large sign out front which read "give up, go bowling"....even better, The Dude lives in Hyde Park.  If you're going to use quotes to communicate always include The Dude.  Maybe I'll put "don't fuck with the jesus" on my front door.  And then....Elephant Acupuncture...that's just bad one wants to associate a bunch of needles with the massive size of an elephant....or remember the experience cartoon elephant style.

Is someone who is well read and spouts out quotes related to every topic really intelligent?  Quotes are fun but that makes you less useful and more annoying than a Google search. That said, I was recently reminded that I am too hard on people.  I'm often told that I expect too much.  Maybe I do.  I just want people to BE who they are.  Don't work as a dietician when you don't eat and have fake boobs.  Don't flaunt your false intelligence by speaking in quotes.  Don't run a health food store if you are a "junk food junkie" and eat McDonald's for breakfast everyday.  Apparently I have a personality that can dominate, so people "fall into it".  I'm not even sure what that means, but it makes my mouth burn.  I just do and say what I want, without diliberately hurting anyone.  I'm sure I could add a little more fluff to my demeanor but I really don't want to....I don't like it when people use fluff with me, so why should I use it for them?  Everything is a choice.  There is always a way to be true to yourself and fit into a situation, IF you want or need to.  I've gone too far in the past, being totally self-defeating and so selfish that is was defeating.  I think I've found a useful balance.  Maybe it's a game, but it makes life more fun.  I'm glad that I know so many amazing people.  I am careful about who gets in....and certainly do not expect perfection.....just don't be a douche....own your life.  Everytime I start to wonder if I really am too harsh I think of three specific people.  They are my among my favorites...far from perfect...but not afraid of what they are in an unassuming, respectful, completely amazing manner.  The best moving away advice I heard was "don't take table scraps".  I might be harsh but I'm okay with that simply because my table is surrounded by amazing people.... even if all the chairs are in different states......who needs the rest?

I spent 10 long minutes being angry about Thumb Face spouting quotes to flaunt intelligence.  Way too long but a nice reminder of why leaving Chapel Hill wasn't a bad idea....I did see this today and I like it..... "love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe"

Yesterday I heard a Van Morrison song and I suddently missed beach music and shagging.  Who am I??? Since when is the old person shuffle a piece of nostalgia?  Maybe it's just the only dance I can actually do.

Tomorrow I have group date with a UNC grad who JT thinks is like me.  Pretty funny to have a group date for a girl who might be a friend and to do it while working out.....should be entertaining and hideous....pretty sure I'll have a numb face, blood sugar sneak attack just so she really knows what she is getting into.

I'm more attached to my angry text/brunch ring than ever before in a gay girl power kinda way....I'm semi-obsessed with Look Heart, No Hands too.....pretty sure those contradict one another......the song obsession is more about my renewed love for country.....Oh yeah, Broken Spoke is now number 12 on the entertainment list....thanks to 7th grade gym class I can line dance my ass off.