where's my zippo for guiding light?

In the last month, I finally accepted that it often looks like rain all day, but not a drop falls.  My "upside down leaves" trick doesn't work here, partially because Oaks don't shine like Silver Maples.  One small piece of real estate agent still lives in my car....4 umbrellas tucked neatly into the backseat pockets.  I've actively kept that habit alive, even if 4 is excessive.
This week I started interviewing again....reluctantly, but it's July and time for the House of Health to cleanse itself...which means RENT...ugh! 
I needed something immediate and really did not want give into waiting tables.  I picked up two applications at bars then, Whitney at TRC staffing set me up with an interview temporary work.  The interview came at just the right time, I was able to squeeze it into my day off.  Hurricane Alex has been dumping on Austin so i was sure to consider that when I left for the appointment.  Like a good little girl, I arrived 30 minutes early, giving plenty of time to park etc.  My instructions included an option to bypass street parking and use a parking garage by telling the little man in the box I had an interview.  Big H Alex was dumping massive rain droplets all morning and picked up the pace just as I was on my third circle looking for a street spot.  I opted for the parking garage as it would be drier.  I stopped just shy of a giant white gate with red flashing lights.  I looked at the guard in his shiny, comfy and very dry office as he showed me at least 22 of his 32 teeth.  Then he waved his lanyard and badge at me like "hey little one, USE your badge".  I tried my Tacodeli fancy ptouch card but no luck, regardless of the fancy lanyard.  I pushed the call button and spoke into a sea of static but he just watched and laughed as my mouth flapped and my car flooded through the open window.  He finally came out, waved his badge at the scanner and said "just GO"....sweet, I guess the rain is a good thing.

I still had 25 minutes until the interview started, so I brushed the rain off my dress but decided not to bring an umbrella.  At this point I was parked under the building so why bother.  I approached the automatic doors which led to the elevator lobby and nothing.  I considered that the rain was keeping me from giving off enough heat to be sensed as human, but quickly realized I was in some restricted access area.  I followed the big blue sign's suggestive arrow to a "call box" but it was just a phone on an abandoned desk with a phonebook.  I felt totally confident that I was in the right place, so I tried the door to the stairs....success!  I walked up three floors and into a huge, shiny, tiled building with Texas stars everywhere.  The massive building and open stairwells made me feel like I was in 'redneck's day out' and but the echo of my heels made me feel like an elephant trying to tiptoe.  I walked just a few steps and didn't immediately see a reception or information area.  I stopped two women and asked where the directory might be, even threw out the name of the person I was meeting.  They offered a directory a "mile" down the hall.  On my way to the directory I realized I was not in the right building.  I was wandering around the State Capitol Building on one of the floors not open to the public.  A small sense of urgency came on as I was now 15 minutes from the interview and in the wrong building.  I passed a state trooper and asked if he knew where the state bar offices were.  He did not and suggested I go to the tourist area, two floors up.....awesome, now I'm a tourist in my own life.....neat.  On my way up I stopped on the wrong floor and was directed to the south entrance.  Up one more floor, I stopped the first person I came to, another trooper.  Trooper Smothers had apparently signed up for the Unwanted-Buddy-for-the-Day Program that morning.  He gave me detailed instructions which included, going outside and walking three buildings away, only to ask for further instructions.  He paused twice to say "you know it's raining?.....no umbrella huh?"  yeah, great.  So, I went outside with five minutes until my interview and the entire Atlantic Ocean falling from the sky...and of course, no umbrella.  I then realized I did not have a phone number or office number for my potential employer...good work genius.  I was able to get a message to the interviewer through the staffing agency, which was great, but one more person to witness my ridiculousness.  Fortunately, rain is rare enough in Texas that people still accept it as an excuse for tardiness.  I bit it and began walking, in the storm across a huge courtyard.  The girliness of my dress and heels got the best of my brain and I actually used a small notebook to shield my hair as I shuffled past an overflowing decorative fountain and a small impromptu pond and into the Regan building.  My wet dog presence instantly got the attention of the two guards on duty.  They were quick to tell me they did not know where the state bar offices were but they are probably in the building next door.  Oh and "no, I don't have an umbrella" thanks for pointing out the obvious.  In the next building I was directed to the fifth floor, only to face yet another locked door, call box and confused person on the other side.  She did at least know proper directions to my interview, which was in the building across the street!



This was seriously one of the best days I've had here.  I was laughing my face off the whole time.  My trooper escort gave me a proper answer to the difference in State Troopers, Highway Patrol and Rangers which I've been looking for since January.  The generous explanation included "you know, Texas was it's own country for eight years, so things are a little different here".....never heard a truer statement.  I expect that bit of trivia and a good story was all I was going to gain from this experience.  But.... I had a message from the staffing agency before I was even out of the parking garage.  I was pretty sure I was stuck slinging tacos for a little longer, luckily...Wednesday I will start a new job.  It's temporary but it has absolutely nothing to do with flour, corn or wheat.  

followers....really???

I crawled into a hole in order to get my head straight.  Then, Lisa started telling her blogger bloggy friends about my blog...suddenly I felt pressure to write something....but I didn't have anything funny, just regular life stuff.

I read this...it's short and sweet and really really worth it.

If you are running a business, doing business, talking about business, have purchased something at a business or have simply ever driven past a business.....you should read this book.  In fact, you don't even have to know what the word business means, just be able to read.  This is worth reading if you interact with the world in any way.  It will take you a couple of hours or maybe two nights before bed.  It's bueno.



Last weekend Lisa, Jeremy and I joined the cult of smiley-wide-eyed-crazy-happy-people.  I know, it doesn't sound like something I would join.  I was hesitant. It took me three full days and a day off to marinate, but now I'm in.  Jeremy and I even hugged!  I can't remember a time when I wanted to scoop up everyone I know and take them to hear some dude talk for 10 hours a day for three days straight.  Especially when all I can say is "I don't know, he just drew circles and said the same thing repeatedly".  Actually, that's not even true and sounds like a real cult.  If you can see these words....check it.....we can hug it out when you get back from the weekend.

I found a place to live and a roommate.  It's awesome, walking distance to the House of Health and affordable.  #sweet! (oh wait, does that work if it's not on twitter?)

I painted my nails green.  Lisa gave her approval by saying it looks like I spilled paint on my feet.  Clearly she doesn't know that jade is the new black...duh!


Otherwise, I've been up to this! (why is the bank always such an energy suck?)

Texas Fights Back

For the past few weeks I've had ugly, crispy brown skin on my arm from my encounter with an over zealous iron.  I now have a small light patch of skin in the shape of the top of the iron on my arm.  This week someone asked if I had been doing Crossfit....as if my iron mark was equivalent to hand ripping.  Nope, no crazy fitness here, just overconfidence about a stupid habit.

I've been working a little more than a week.  Today, I was feeling confident in my ability to sling tacos.  There was finally someone newer than me which is always a confidence booster.  In my bartending days I broke so many glasses it was kind of a joke...but kind of a problem.  I was happy to have avoided sweeping broken glass thus far in Texas.  Today however,....Texas fought back.  I dropped a glass bottle in the perfect position, on a concrete floor.  I gave my usual non-reaction, as I have become overly accustomed to the sound of breaking glass.  I looked down to assess the damage and saw a small droplet of blood.  As I strolled to the first aide box, I noticed both ankles had a little blood, but really I've seen worse from shaving.  I sat down and the frantic, about to puke manager asked if I was ok.  He took one look at the gauge on my right ankle and was headed toward his makeshift ambulance.  I started to argue, looked down and saw bone.....or so I thought.  Once at the ER, the doctor with scissors stuffed down the back of his scrubs quickly explained that I did not see bone....something about the next layer of skin or whatever.  All I know is my ankle was talking to me and I saw something white in it's mouth.  I'm pretty sure Lisa thought I was joking when I called and asked her to meet me at the hospital.  Apparently I was too calm....she didn't really respond until I was seriously asking her to come because my ride was leaving.  Then she came in and laughed at me, then took pictures.  But really that was totally appropriate.  I was laughing the whole time.....it was just stupid, I wasn't in pain, there was very little blood and I dropped a freakin' bottle...and my doctor had scissors shoved down his pants!  Damn Mexicans always need their sodas in glass bottles and use real sugar...why can't they fake out like the USA?  Or even better, drink Big Red like Texans.  I know, I know......big red is gum.  Oh but wait....what about Big Blue?  Nope.... there's nothing appealing about either of those as a beverage. Of course none of the excited Big Red drinkers thought Cheerwine or Sundrop sounded delicious.  Thankfully, none of those are on my drink list but I'll take my chances with Mexican coke if I really have to have a soda.  I kind of feel bad that I was bumped in front of the lady wearing a nightgown with no shoes and scraggly hair; who could only utter "40" when asked for her identification.  Not sure if that was her age, the number of pills she had taken, what she owed the cab out front or what.  That's exactly the reason hospitals freak me out.  The Haywood County Board of Education is in an old hospital building.  One time in high school I went there and got so freaked out by the extra long elevator, I never went back.  I still get grossed out by the elevators....it's like seeing dead bodies or something.  Here is further proof of why I should not commit to something that begins at 6:30am......

Otherwise, my week has been successful.  I finally got a haircut and didn't explode.  Going to someone new after six years was scary.  It's still not quite right, but better.   I also made it to The Scoot Inn.  Lisa swears it's famous and supposed to be awesome.  I was a little overwhelmed by the smell and by flashbacks of hanging out with 'the band' to think it was awesome.  I did enjoy the dreaded-up white dude who was implementing the favored forehead bandanna to hide the fact that his dreads are giving him a fivehead faster than normal.  Perhaps I'll try again sometime and be sure to chose a seat further from the porta-johns.

On the bright side, I didn't cut my wrists.....based on the amount of gauze on my ankles, no one would believe I didn't try to join the guy in the sky.  I kind of look like I had some new and improved feet sewn on.  Maybe that will be my new story....something about finally making my legs even.

maybe y'uns DO know how to be country

Yesterday I was thinking about my first visit to Austin.  Lisa had been here only a few months and was staying with my aunt in Round Rock.  I was accustomed to seeing her at least twice a week, so once my plane landed I pushed my way off, desperately trying to find Lisa, as if she was choking or something.  That thought was quickly lost in the country music playing in the airport....it was different.....but much better than the slot machines in LAS.  I walked outside to search for Lisa's new car, named by my father as "the lesbian mobile".  I had been thinking "HOW could she possibly have a car that I had not seen/approved of first?  And it's not white?? That's weird!!"  Little did I know she would soon pick out a husband without me helping with the decision.  (he's not really white either but I approve).  Leaving the airport, I was immediately smacked in the face with suffocating heat.  That pretty much set my terrible mood for the day.

Once I was in the "LM"...an overly excited Lisa, drove directly to Mt. Bonnell.  It was her first of many attempts to convince me that Austin was a great place.  It was definitely a "look, there are mountains here" attempt.  It was beautiful, but I was ultimately unimpressed.  It was too hot, I was wearing pants and had zero interest in letting Lisa convince me to move here.  The very next stop was The Oasis....she was REALLY trying.  The Oasis softened me a little...but I was still NEVER moving to Texas.

Fast forward six years, and Mt. Bonnell is my favorite outdoor spot.  Poaching a room allows me to live within walking distance.  The nooks of the cliff provide perfect hiding/reading spots with a great view.  My first time back as an Austin resident, I continuously felt like I was at Devil's Courthouse .  Devil's Courthouse was always one of my easy escapes in Waynesville.  I planned many world domination events there.  I guess looking over a cliff clears my mind...I love it.

Upon the recommendation of the long haired Sprout's clerk, who had seen my face on one too many Saturday nights....I found another slice of Waynesville in Austin....here.  It was terrible and awesome and terrible...just like NC truck stop biscuits and gravy.

I guess TX has more NC in it than just the Bender sisters.  I keep hoping to hear a local version of y'uns....but only so I can avoid saying it.

Honest Abe vs. Cheshire Cat

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.  ~Abraham Lincoln

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.  ~Norm Papernick

 

cold spings in hotland...hot springs in the mountains

Today Lisa, a newly bald/badass JT and I went to Deep Eddy.  This was my first visit.  I don't really care for pools but I couldn't refuse the invitation because it's barely a mile from their/our house and it's an unknown Austin legend.  About 15 minutes into it, I was bored.  I have never been a pool person or a sunbather.  Deep Eddy is interesting and certainly better than the standard concrete pond.  I just don't like to bake, or sweat for no reason, or swim, or be hot.  I can handle it for about an hour, then I'm done.  I mentioned "now what" and Lisa said "sit in the shade and chill out" with a bit of a forceful tone, meaning...."shut up and let me turn into an African".  It is interesting that I can't just lay there but Lisa can.  In my mind Lisa is still the Bender sister who can't sit still and needs to run laps around the house.  That is still true most of the time.  I guess laying by the pool is considered an event, so she allows herself some down time....which I'm sure is much needed.  This led to me thinking about conversations I've had where I either said or thought..... "boring people get bored".   It's ok to know what you do or do not enjoy but it's not ok to continuously say you're bored.  At some point in my adulthood, I decided boredom was unacceptable. As my ramblings have mentioned, I truly entertain myself with everything I see.  That has not always been true.  The more I do, read and think, the more I am frustrated when someone continuously says they are bored.  I am in charge of my life, just as you are yours.  If you feel bored, fix it.  If you don't fix it, you will secure a nice, comfy spot in the "suck" file.  I know many people who accept ridiculousness because they are understimulated and just need something.  It is so frustrating to watch someone waste away because they are stuck in Shallowland and have no idea how to take control.  I'm glad I don't live there, even if  my world is harder sometimes.

The same thing we do everynight Pinky.....

I am completely dumbfounded by the fact that at least 3 people look at my blog everyday.  I know 3 isn't many but it's usually somewhere in the 8-20 range which blows my mind.  I mean, I know I like to talk but I always thought people were mostly nodding along just to be polite.  Maybe I'm just completely insane and people like making themselves feel a little more normal.  I do entertain myself most days.  I think everything is funny for all the wrong reasons.  One of the best things I've learned in the last few years is that laughter is always appropriate.  I learned this from a friend whose laughter often frustrated me.  Then I began to realize that it's always better to giggle at ridiculousness than most other reactions.  Laughter and knowing that "it's only as important or horrible as you make it".....pretty much solves everything.  Sometimes I wish my brain had an answering machine.....not so much for true answers...more for recording all the random crap that I think and quickly forget.  I think my skull is housing Pinky and the Brain......they continue to fumble around each other without achieving world domination, just random silliness.  Now....if I could just figure out who the creepsters are.....not just how many.

Not sure this stay at home mom or dishwasher role is enough for me. 

I miss having someone to s*!t talk with for 6 hours every day.  That's a little weird but I'm so good at it and no one here knows me well enough to not get offended.